Sunday, November 11, 2007

helpful advice v.3

Dear Mumblers of America,

If you want me to actually listen to the words you're saying to me, you must, at a minimum, do one of two things:

(1) enunciate, or

(2) say something very interesting.

It's exhausting trying to decipher what you're mumbling about, so if you want me to put in the energy, you need to make it worth my while. "Mumble mumble laundry you know mumble you know mumble mumble just kidding! Mumble mumble um mumble" doesn't cut it. If I don't hear something interesting after a few minutes of straining to understand you, you might as well just stop talking, because I'm not listening any more.

Or you could just stop mumbling. At least then your conversation will only be painful in one way.




todorojo said...

I think you should also write a letter to the Moseyers of America. They tend to mosey in packs, which makes it that much harder to get around them. It's all I can do to stop myself from knocking them down so I can maintain a half-decent walking speed. They contaminate our sidewalks, walkways, and bridges. And what's worse, they severely cramp my style. They must be stopped.

rosie said...


Anonymous said...

What would you say to those of us who mumble at times intentionally? We are they who would like to say scintillating things, but are cowed by your intelligence, creativity and clever conversation. Despite our natural intellectual impediments, we want to participate and want to associate with people like you. Consequently, we mumble. (Feel free to interpret my posting this anonymously as mumbling -- wanting to participate, but not necessarily feeling secure that what I'm saying is adding to the conversation.) Huh? What about that?

Chatalita said...

This reminds me of a typical night in our apartment back in the day:

Me: mumble, muble, mumbo jumbo, blah, blah, blah, blah

Cindy: (appropriately timed) Uh-huh
(click, click on the computer game)

Me: blah, blah, blah, mumble, mumble, bumble, blah

If only I'd known then what I know now....