Dear Stupid Dog Owner,
Over the past several months, I have noticed that you walk your dog about 50 times per day. Despite the frequency with which the dog is taken on walks and the fact that you incessantly tell the dog to "Go Potty" while walking it, the dog has apparently not learned the point of going on walks. This is so even though you act like the animal has discovered the cure for cancer every time it does finally do its business.
I advise you to get a smarter pet. Perhaps a goldfish or an earthworm.
Love, The Girl Whose Window Abuts Your Favorite Dog-Walking Location